Choose your villain

On the planet of aliens that look like wheels covered in eyes, angels appear as humans just to fuck with them

I love when the year is 2049 and the future of mankind is in no way in peril


The King:
Is that your answer to everything? This one time, this one thing. I'm saying what goes, tough shit, I'm The King!

The Elders:
Fuck that! Seriously!

The King:
Suck a dick in Hell, Dragonfucker's coming!

Show thread

why did I listen to a 20 minute metal ballad about a guy who fucks a dragon? trick question, I wanted to hear a ballad about a guy who fucks a dragon

@baeto_hoosky oh yeah I forgot to mention my horrible child whom I love

The game starts in a grassy field with nowhere to hide, but after several deaths you can make it to some ancient ruins where you escape Ganon for a while, but he’s always waiting for you when you emerge. This is basically the entire game: running, finding temporary refuge, dying gruesomely, rinse and repeat. There are no other characters or enemies, just the omnipresent threat of Ganondorf. You can find items that allow you to survive a little longer against him, and weapons to fight back.

Show thread

I had a dream last night about a fucked up new Zelda game where Link is alone in a deserted land with Ganondorf. You start off with absolutely nothing and Ganny is way stronger than you, so he kills Link instantly with his sword. The game is also first person so you get to see what being stabbed through the chest looks and sounds like. Your only option is to run and travel as far as you can before he inevitably catches and kills you. Then you respawn where you last died.

Date me
☑️ no dreams or aspirations
☑️ scared of commitment
☑️ awful taste in music
☑️ terrible in bed
But I’m kinda cute doe

Oh there’s a race of human babies too, that makes sense

Show thread

dog owners, introducing you to their pet: this is my puppy, my buddy, my best pal
cat owners:

I’m not a scientist but I don’t think genetics works such that you can have one homogeneous species of all twinks and another homogeneous species of all hunks

Show thread

@PsyChuan when will it be revealed that they’re the same species, one just lifts

Wait a minute Final Fantasy has both little catboy twinks and huge catboy hunks?

Show older

(orc noises)